Feature Article

 Relationships

More often than not we come across people that are struggling to find their significant other. It is in our human nature to experience a relationship whether it is on a friendly note or intimacy. We tend to go around wanting to find love or people that we can trust and share special moments with the hope of whatever is going to be built is going to meet the standards we have set for ourselves. It therefore comes to appoint where sometimes we need to accept and look at things on a realist perception.

We get people that have completely given up love and convince themselves that they would never love because they have been hurt or they have experienced a bad relationship. Human repeat the same patterns over and over and we never identify ourselves as the source of those patterns and problems. We spend a lot of times recycling and ignoring the patterns and expand considerable energy trying to prove somebody else is to blame.  

Some people would rather not have friends because of their past friendships and how they fail, and somehow people can’t handle constructive criticism even if it helps them in their future.  They say their friends are inconsiderate and rude. Soulful friend’s help us express our authentic selves and live the authentic life. They also help us discover it because they reflect truth back to us, they hold up a mirror to us that shows us who we truly are and it sucks sometimes that some of us do not realise that but truth is they encourage us to be more that we think we can be.

Relationships are not easy at the best of times, but aspects of modern life seem to make the harder. We want to make love last but the high divorce rate makes us doubtful that we can.  We understand that relationships are about compromising and giving, but how exactly do you square that when we are also supposed to strive as individuals in order to achieve? It can be hard to know where the boundaries lie between putting ‘me ‘or ‘us’ first. In addition, the Morden emphasis on keeping up the appearance of a perfect relationship means that a few people talk about the ups and downs.

My point and my aim on researching of couples an friendships was to go deep in the heart and minds of modern love to provide new template for making relationships work today, not as a ‘how to’ book, but through the voices of as many different people as possible together with the academic research on the psychology and sociology of relationships. I interview a few people in my circle – men and woman, gay and straight, with or without children, married and cohabiting who talked honestly about their experiences.

In a nutshell these are the new relationship commandments that they leave according to:

Ø  A relationship is something that is achieved, it doesn't just happen because we love someone, r because we got lucky and found our ‘soul mate’, which is itself a romantic myth. There are literally hundreds of people out there with whom we could form a lasting partnership. The key to a good relationship lies in taking complete responsibility for it. We need to find ways to bridge the distance between us, with honest communication as well as respect for each other as an individual.

Ø  Have realistic expectation of each other and of what the relationship can offer. The relationship script suggests that there is someone out there who will fulfil all of ur needs but nobody is perfect.

Ø  Fairness matters. That means men doing their fair share of domestic work and being hands on as dads so that woman feels less resentment. Complete equality all of the time is unrealistic, but when couples build a sense of fairness into their partnership, over their finances, the house work, the children as well finding enough time to themselves, they tend to be happier together. They establish foundations in the relationship which are strong enough to see them through the inevitable difficulties we all face from time to time in life.

Ø  Try and recognise ways in which the family you come from influences the family you create. It can affect the way we row about, out expectations of a relationship and the way the behavior is as parents in so many ways.

Ø  Spending quality time with your significant other is most important because there is nothing more frustrating than a busy spouse that has no time for you.

Ø   Seek advice from friends and help from experts at the earliest ages of difficulty. Let

It’s sad that sometimes in a relationship people have to let go. Although it is not easy people also need to know that you have to let go of the past and accept the new reality and have a new beginning.

It would be fair to ask yourself what would happen if you don’t let go. And the following have to be considered:

-          Is it worth continuing to hang onto what does not exist anymore? What is the price I’m paying?

-          Is it worth being chained to my negative emotions and attitudes? What is the price I’m paying?

-          Are my negative thoughts and attitudes costing me my health, happiness and my relationship with the people around me (Family or children)

Here is a quote about moving on by Steve Maraboli, speaker author and behavioral science academic: “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realise that situation is over, you cannot move forward”. This quote in itself wraps up all the points in moving on.

Sustaining a long term relationship or friendship is not water under a bridge but it can sure be solved and can attain positive feedback and response. It all depends on how people deal with issues and how they were raised, for instance; if their cultural, childhood and educational background determines their attitude. 

**ZeReal_Cleo